This is why such a soul experiences excessive sadness and despair soon as signs of its own lack of integrity show up, with the consequence that it immediately feels unacceptable to God.  That’s why a sick soul is always hiding the truth from itself, the mechanism for which is endless self-justification. And why the correction of such a soul is always taken as rejection.
(more)
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On Helping Souls That Are Being Tried
Do not lose your serenity on account of those who are being tried.  Pray for them; offer the sufferings of My Passion and some acts of self-denial, some self-imposed sufferings for them.”
Jesus to Sister Mary of the Holy Trinity
 
When souls are being tried, what they need from you is deeper love of Me—so that, through you, I may give them the grace they need.  So you see, you need your serenity even more at such times.  Do not try to buy peace for souls by losing your own!  Offer up your act of self-denial at such times, so that the soul who is suffering may get the grace to accept in joy what she cannot change—through your free offering of love.  You will see more and more how you are all instruments in the communication of My Love, for one another as for yourselves.  The more you will understand that, the more you will love one another.
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On Feeling Unloved
Only the realization that I love you now, I, Jesus, who know all your misery, all your sins, the failure of your whole life, only the knowledge that I Who know how underserving you are of anyone‘s love, yet love you nevertheless with the Love of God Himself, can take away the pain and anxiety of feeling unloved by so many persons, and not undeservedly.
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 The Age of St. Bernard’s is not like Ours.
St. Bernard, commenting on the Canticle (Song of Songs)

"Or perhaps, drawn away and seduced by his own concupiscence, he is still being dangerously tempted. Such a soul as this does not need a Bridegroom but a Physician, and for this reason receives, not kisses or caresses, surely, but only remedies for wounds in oil and ointments."

Yes, Bernard, in your time this was true — for the time had not yet come to force men willy-nilly from the highways and byways to the wedding feast. Men were still strong and able to overcome concupiscence with a help of the Physician less than the Kiss of His Mouth, less than the embrace of His intimacy. But now we are as children, impatient as we are weak, and needing, therefore, to be fondled and kissed by the Mother and her spouse, by Mary and Jesus.  0 Bernard, those of your age, who could help yourselves, needed the Physician only to supply the ointments of which you speak. But we need the Kiss of this Bridegroom who condescends to the weakness of little ones, like this little one who is too weak to help himself and therefore cries out:
"Let him kiss me with the kiss of his mouth, for thy breasts are better than wine.  For my justification now is not that I am healed by the ointments of the Physician, but that I am in the arms of His Mother, that it is her purity that makes me worthy of His embrace, not my virtue."
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If Something Is Painful
It seems I always assume that if something is painful, it is evil and to be avoided. Then, when I am suffering, I begin to think, and I do not rest until I have discovered some truth which I hope will remove the pain. But I do not think I do this only because I want to avoid suffering: it is rather that I look upon suffering as a sign that I am wrong somehow, that God is displeased with me, and therefore something in me must be changed.
    

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40th Posting
(The Meditations are updated weekly)

A Servant's Song
The Journey of a Soul  

Jesus, love me, because only Your Love can make me worthy of Your Love
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I love you, with your defects.  
That is why I hate your defects — because they keep Me  from loving you more.

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I am beginning to see and understand a certain spirit of luxury in my supernatural life,
which has caused me to seek a rational solution of a false problem —

The false problem is this: What is wrong with me since I seem to suffer so much? This presupposes that suffering is a sign of something wrong — whereas the truth is that Jesus needs our suffering, and seeks it, for our own purification and as a reparation for others.
However there is a sense in which suffering, even when it is not very great, is inordinate and unbearable, and that is when the soul is troubled because the suffering partakes of despair, thinking itself unloved by God.

This suffering is intolerable, and God permits it so that the soul will have to seek to convince itself that it is loved — not so as to remove the suffering, but to remove the disorder in the suffering, so that the soul may suffer as Jesus did, with joy and peace, and then it will suffer, not less, but more.
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The Father to St. Catherine of Siena
(from The Dialogue, p. 93.)
[Souls who are on the path to Me] may suffer at the hands of others, or from illness or poverty or the instability of the world. They may lose their children or other loved ones.  All such things are thorns the earth produced because of sin.  They endure them all, considering by the light of reason and holy faith that I am goodness itself and cannot will anything but good. And I send these things out of love, not hatred....
They learn that all suffering in this life is small with the smallness of time. Time is no more than the point of a needle, and when time is over, so is suffering – so you see how small it is. Therefore they endure it patiently. The thorns they pass through here and now do not touch their heart, for as far as sensual love is concerned, their heart has been drawn away from themselves and is firmly joined to me by the impulse of love.
(Translated by Suzanne Noffke, O.P.)
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I have to reject you in order to open your heart more to My Love.
That is why it is so essential to be convinced of the Truth that I love you — always, for otherwise, when I do what is necessary to give My Love to you the more, you will interpret it as the very opposite  — you will feel that I am reproaching you, and then you will get disturbed, reflecting on yourself in order to find out what it is that displeases Me.
And it is just in this state that the
Enemy can do the most harm to your soul.


You see, therefore, how important it is for you to believe, from the very bottom of your heart, that I love you always, and especially when you are suffering. TheTruth is that it is I Who am begging your love at those times — and so often you do not give it to Me because you believe that I do not want you, neither
you nor your love.

Alas! how little you understand My Heart! My only joy is to give Myself to you, and through you; to others.

Do you know what the practical realization of this lesson is? It is that you should make acts of love at all times, but especially when you are overwhelmed by your misery and your unworthiness. That is the time when, if you are quiet, you will hear My Voice calling you to My Heart, to fill you the more with Myself, to
give Myself the more to you now that you see you have nothing in yourself.

Do not therefore, deprive Me of the consolation of your love at those times! Give this rest to My Heart! 
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Do you not see? When you come to Me to give Me yourself in the very knowledge of your misery, you glorify Me most
because then you depend on Me for everything, and that is the glory of God — your realization of  your dependence on Him for everything. And that is why you do not glorify Me by your 'virtue,' that is to say, by the false virtue which is self-sufficient unto itself. No, what glorified Me is your total dependence on Me, and all true virtue is ordained to that end, to the act of love, the act of giving yourself to Me  with total and tender confidence in My Love for you.
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Your act of love is the most perfect mortification of your own thoughts, thoughts about Me — for when you love, all your energy is directed to the Person you love, not to your thoughts about the Person, thoughts which remain in yourself.
Yes, love takes you out of yourself, into the beloved.  But the reason you are so preoccupied with your own thoughts is that
you persist in hoping in yourself and even when you desire nothing else, you still desire to make yourself acceptable to Me —

instead of letting Me do that by giving yourself to Me in an act of love, because in fact only I can do it.
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Yes, it is true, you do love Me, and I know it is your constant desire to love Me more, and that you trust Me and not yourself in your temptations.
And I am very pleased by all that. But here is something else I want you to consider now. When you are drawn to sin, you do not think of the pain it gives Me.  Is that not true? Do you not think, at least implicitly, that I am God and therefore nothing can hurt Me, even if it is true that the sin would be contrary to My Will.
Now I want you to meditate on this Truth until it penetrates to the very depth of your being, that even though I am God, I am also man, and even though I cannot suffer now, yet the sin to which you are drawn was known perfectly to Me when I did suffer —
as if it were in the present — because My suffering was for all the sins that were to be
committed in the future, as well as for those in the past and at the time of My suffering. And likewise the consolation I so longed for is the consolation you give Me when you turn promptly from any impure thought.


Yes, I made your soul, and I understand it
perfectly, and I know you are attracted chiefly by joy, by delight and pleasure. And therefore you must learn how to use the nature I gave you. You are generous by nature, and you would avoid the slightest impurity if you truly believed and understood how terribly I suffered for it — the more so because you
are My child of predilection — so that My pain through your sins and failings is so much the greater as My desire to give Myself to you is greater.

Therefore ponder this very much, and keep asking Me for this grace, to see the pleasure to which you are drawn as a thorn in My Sacred Head. Do you understand?
You are a child of Love, made for love. And you must, therefore, overcome all temptation by love. But to do that you must understand how th eillicit  pleasure you entertain without so much as thinking of Me is beginning to drive that thorn deeper into My Head. 

Ask yourself! is it not true that you think as
though it would be indifferent to Me?
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My soul is overwhelmed with a new joy,
the joy of knowing I am loved because My Beloved has made me understand, at last, the meaning of all my sins, of any evil inclinations that made me so sad until now.
But now He has shown me how it is He, Himself, Who suffers for my sins, that it is not as if I were alone, because He has never left me alone, and it is not as if He wanted me to do one thing or another to prepare myself to be united with Him.

0 no! There is no preparation, because it is He, my Jesus, mystically One with Me, Who suffers in me, and we are united, and because we are united, everything is fruitful. How I wish I could express this joy —
but it is like bringing a snowflake home to keep its beauty and then finding nothing but a little drop of water.


I do not think He wants me to write
more now.
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0 to know, to understand and to realize at each moment that each moment is the work of Jesus’ Love in my soul,
and particularly when it is crucifying, when it shows me what I am in myself —

to know then that it is the Voice of My Beloved Who is calling me to Himself — to love Jesus because I have nothing but Jesus — as I see myself covered with sin, to know that I am Jesus WHO IS COVERED with my sins, and to realize His Love as I am nailed to the Cross with Him, in Him, having only the life of dying with Him, His Life.
0 Jesus, I rejoice in You because the
emptiness of my words even now glorify the Truth Which is my Beloved. The agony of my Beloved is His dying for me in my sins as I am dying for Him. The voice of my Beloved is the voice of a little child Who sees only Himself in me and I see myself in Him —
I see Him covered with my sins as He sees me covered with His innocence.


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